Why Are There So Many Annoying Questions on Your Permissions Hotline?

September 30, 2005

XXXX XXXX Music Publishing
Copyright Permissions

via fax:  818-XXX-XXXX

Dear XXXX XXXX Music Publishing,

I am seeking to reprint lyrics from the song "The Rainbow Connection," as sung by Kermit the Frog in The Muppet Movie.  I hope to include three lines from this song in my novel, Pug Hill, which will be released by Berkley Books in May, 2006.  Following are the answers to the questions posed on your Permissions Hotline, the one I got to after 3 Google searches, the listening to of several phone messages, and a receptionist who asked me, "didn't I just transfer you?" a couple of times.

1.  Name:  Alison Pace
2.  Company: Penguin.  I guess?  Is Penguin my company?  I don't have a company so I'm putting that.  I hope it's okay.  Now I'm nervous.
3. Address:  See, now what do I do?  Do you want my address or Penguin's address since now that's my company and all?  I don't know.
4. Phone #: My cell phone is 917-XXX-XXXX.  But just so you know, I am pretty much incapable of answering my cell phone.
5. Fax #:  I don't have a fax.  I have to go to Mailboxes, Etc. to fax.
6. Name of Group Performing:  As fantastic as I'm sure it would be to have a group of pugs belting out "The Rainbow Connection," on the Great Lawn in Central Park, a) pugs can't sing b) there will not be a performance, I just want to reprint three lines in my novel.
7. Age of Performers:  There are no performers, I just want to reprint three lines in my novel.
8.  W.P.:  This is what I wrote down for question 8.  I wrote "W.P." with a "?" next to it, and now I have no idea what the hell I meant and I'm going to have to call back again.  Damn it all to hell.
9. Titles of XXXX XXXX Songs: THE RAINBOW CONNECTION!!
10. Other songs to be included in performance:  Well, it's not a performance (see answer to #6, #7) I just want to reprint three lines in my novel.  However, other songs mentioned in my novel include, but are not limited to: Patsy Cline, "Crazy," Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Otherside," and Erasure, "Stop!"
11. Date and Location of event: May 2006, but it's not an event, it's a book.
12. Do you wish to use recorded music? No.
13. Do you wish to perform live music?  I really don't
14. Will there be costumes?  Yes, I will spend the month of May asking every pug I see if he or she would like to dress as Kermit the Frog as homage.
15.  Any additional information?  The person I contacted (with a far greater degree of ease) about The Red Hot Chili Peppers song was like, "I'm sure this will be fine."  Why can't more people be like him?

Many thanks in advance,

Alison Pace

Comments

[Melissa]

HA HA HA! I love your blog even more than I loved your book, and I loved your book a lot. Thanks for the Friday afternoon chuckle.

[Caryn]

Hilarious, Alison! Thanks for the laugh. Don't you just love bureaucracy? I have a sense those aren't the answers you really gave them, but I desperately wish you had.

[Anonymous]

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

[carmela]

cute

[ig]

love that...too funny.

[Ari]

Erasure?!? Niiice - my college roommate (bf since elementary school) and I were addicted. They were the first concert I ever went. Oh L'amour live is the best cheesecake ever - so good :)

ha ha ha i found this on google looking for the lyrics